Janice,

It has been a month of Sundays since I last wrote to you. I have good reason.

Where I have been there were no post offices. No, I wasn't kidnapped by some other mountain man, I was with the Women's Synchronized Swinging Hammer Brigade. You remember those lovely ladies that repaired my chicken coop.

Well, they did a few more projects, then decided that they needed a special mission. I suggested restoring outhouses. Needless to say I was on some heavy painkillers at the time and didn't quite know what I was saying.

Well, Myrtle Margarite, the lead hammer thought that was a grand idea and since I suggested it, they made me mascot. I was packed up with the equipment in their RV before Elrod or Nimrod could do anything about it. Ever since I have been traveling the Ozarks watching the women restore outhouses for the many people, let's say that are off the beaten path.

I have enough material to write a book, but not today. Today I wanted to say Elrod has rescued me from those women. He brought the Sheriff and a restraining order. If you visis now, I'll have to know way in advance since I am not sure of the security code for the iron gate at the end of the road/driveway.

I'll read the few letters I've missed after I take a long hot shower. Those women did not believe in wasting a drop of water and Bertha, the supplier master, thought bathing wasn't necessary. I had to ride in the back of the truck to come home.

Sending hugs to you and your lovely husband.
Beatrice

Janice

Now the you have your pilot's license you have no excuse to come visit my little homestead. The crops will be harvested soon. The landing strip was planted out in corn. It will be just a few more weeks, unless the cows get into the field.

I can walk around the house again. The women's synchronized swinging hammer brigade have made me an honorary member due to the fact that they have now made four trips here since the chicken coop incident. If you ask me I think the president has a crush on Nimrod.

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Beatrice

Thank you, Janice,

I cannot believe that you sent an electric scooter for me. Nimrod and Elrod thought it needed a little more power. I can now outrun Elrod's tractor. They do insist that I were protective gear, just in case. You would think that I'm accident prone or something. haha.

One small side effect of the "wind incident" is that the chickens run into the house when the wind picks up before a storm. I don't have to go out to gather eggs for breakfast. One trip around the down stairs and you can find at least six eggs. I finally gathered up all the ones out of the living room. I keep that door locked now.

Tell that husband of yours that I still want you to come visit. That is once you come back to the states. How long are you honeymooning in Greece?

Just call me Speedy!
(Beatrice)

Janice,

I am glad that you have decided to go retro and will be corresponding by mail only. I will let you know that I do not believe that cell phones give you brain cancer. I hope that you are allowed to use your computer soon. I know how you love to surf the web.

I will try to explain the chicken coop fiasco. The wind had picked up, Elrod hollered for me to come gather up the chickens that had escaped the new chicken coop. I realized that the chickens weren't flying the coop. They were being blown out of the top by the wind. Elrod had put a skyline in, but the wind had blown out the window in the skyline.

I went inside to seal the hole. Well, let me tell you, Elrod had made the perfect wind tunnel. You can imagine my surprise when that huge gust of wind came up and so did I. Elrod said I shot out that skyline and flew about twenty feet in the air before I came down and landed on the coop. Yes, I destroyed it.

Luckily, most of the chickens landed on me. We are still looking for four or five of them that went up but never came down.

Another good thing is that the wind blew out all that chicken poo right into the garden. No fertilizing needed this year.

I also found out that the volunteer fire department have some really nice EMT's in training. I did have a hard time convincing them not to cut off my panties. I broke my right leg and my left foot, sprained my left arm and had to have forty stitches due to the beak and claw puncture wounds. I can almost laugh about it now. Look for the video on YouTube. Nimrod said that he caught it on his camcorder. (He still has to figure out how to download it to the Internet.)

Time for more pain meds. I am still sore from helping the wonderful ladies that rebuilt the coop.

Beatrice

Dear Janice

I only have a moment to jot down a short note. I am finally out of the wheel chair. The chicken coop is being rebuilt by the Women's Synchronized Swinging Hammer Brigade. That's right. It's a professional group of builders that go around the county repairing chicken coops, barns or whatever a woman might want. Thanks to the Most Right Reverend they got my name. It's funny how the whole county knows about my 'little accident'. I am still looking for a few dozen chickens that flew the coop, literally.

Quickly healing
Beatrice

ps Doc says that I may be walking without crutches by this time next year.

Janice,

I am glad to hear that your new hubby is back on the yacht and doing well. I hope that you will be visiting my soon.

They say I will be out of this wheelchair in a month or so.

Write soon,
Beatrice

Dear Janice

I hope you enjoy this afghan that I have knitted for you. Who would have thought that I would learn how to shear a sheep, card the wool, use a spinning wheel (that took a few years to learn) and knit you an afghan. When it gets warm I hope to learn how to dye the wool. You may get one later that might actually look less 'natural'.

I am glad that you are able to visit your new husband in rehab. How did he fall off the yacht and get trapped in a fisherman's net?

Write soon.

Beatrice

Janice!

You've eloped! Is this going to be a habit with you? Does he have good health insurance? Are you going to have a dual citizenship to Greece?

Sorry about the new cell phone. I didn't know that badgers were so irritable. When the phone rang for the first time, they ripped it to shreds. And the phone company said that the warranty didn't cover badger attacks.

We have survived the flu, an mysterious upper respiratory infection and frost bite. Nimrod only lost one toe.

Elrod informed me that I can move back to the house next week unless it snows again. Nimrod is excited since he really hasn't got use to me being in the house. Just yesterday morning he broke his favorite coffee mug when I walked into the kitchen. I also owe him for a window. That's where the mug went.

I hope this arrives at your new address. If you don't get this letter, let me know.

Beatrice

Janice

You have missed the best snow ever. I now know what it feels like to live in an igloo especially after the roof collapsed into my bedroom. Elrod dug a tunnel to get me out. By the time he found me I had used my building skills (haha) to create a small cave. It was warm in there because I had two dogs, three cats and two baby badgers to keep me warm. That's what I get when I leave my bedroom door open at night.

After the rescue I found out we had several feet of snow over night. I still don't know how all that snow loaded up on my section of the roof.

How's the sun in the Carribean? Did you really meet a man with his own yacht? Did you do a background check? I think it is better to be with a man a little older than a twenty something guy.

Oh my word, I just found out where all the snow came from. Nimrod was shoveling the snow from the barn. Guess he didn't figure he had such a good arm to toss it on to the roof of the house.

Check the return address since we will all be moving into Nimrod's house until we get this fixed. I don't want to walk the five miles to my mailbox especially in all this snow. We may be in this deep freeze for some time.

Beatrice