new letters from beatrice

Dear Janice

I am glad to hear that Bert has regained the use of his hands. That nurse must be putting in major overtime to get Bert up and running again, so to speak. When will he be released from Well Done rehab? I hope that he is home for your anniversary.

How's your head since that nasty fall at work? Who knew that people do bleed at the orthopedic office? Did anyone get hurt when you lost control of the supply cart?

Elrod is doing well. We had to send for his brother, Nimrod, to help out around here. Since the vacuum cleaner experiment went wrong, the cows don't trust me, especially Twinkie.

Did you know Elrod had a twin brother? Me either. If it wasn't for the cast I wouldn't be able to tell them apart. Even down to the squirrel shaped birthmark on the left shoulder. Get your mind out of the gutter, I had to hose off Nimrod after he met the llamas.

Well, things are getting busy around here, maybe we'll try to get together next month.

Yours truly,
Beatrice

PS. You won't believe this. You can repair a broken cast with duct tape. According to Nimrod it even makes it waterproof.

Dear Janice,

I am so sorry to hear about Bert's accident with his Hoveround. I thought they put brakes on those things. Well, at least you'll know where he is during the day. Which rehab facility is he at?

Elrod had an accident, too. His prize rooster got up in the big oak tree by the chicken coop. Well, he made it up the tree just fine, but then the silly rooster flew out of the tree startling Elrod. Luckily he didn't fall out of the tree. His foot got stuck, he slammed right into the trunk of the tree breaking his right arm.

Looks like I'll have to stay here to tend to the cows. I haven't quite got the hang of milking them yet, but I have figured out the girls from the boys.

Sincerely,
Beatrice

Dear Janice

Let me tell you what Elrod left in his pockets. He had found some kind of metal plate on the new farm next door and just slipped it into his overalls. He said he forgot about it.

When I finally pulled it out, Lord help me, if it wasn't one of the land mines the government men told him about. I threw it out the back door just to get it out of the house.

I hope you get to visit soon. The new pond will be stocked with fish by this weekend. Elrod said that the water company will get the new line to the house by next Friday.

How's Bert doing? Glad to hear that you got a new job at that Orthopedic doctor's office you visit so often. How is your aversion to blood, any inconvenience? People usually don't bleed there, do they?

Keep writing, I look forward to your letters since now the satellite is out due to the hail storm last week.

Affectionately yours
Beatrice

Dear Janice

I'm glad to hear that Bert has adjusted to the prosthetic leg. Who would have thought you could get gangrene from a yard stick? Where did you get it, Acme Chemical Company?

Sorry to hear about your cat. This time they couldn't retrieve your brooch without harming him. So sad. I have more kittens if you want me to bring you one when I visit. The only one not available is the two tailed cat.

Telephone lines are down again. This time some government people came in with heavy equipment to take out our neighbor's little "crop". Elrod kept talking about some kind of weed or something. Elrod did get a good price when he offered to buy the place. They had to warn him about some land mines they weren't able to clear.

Oh goodness, there goes the washing machine. Elrod must have left something in his overalls pocket again.

Sincerely
Beatrice

Dear Janice

Sorry to hear about Bert's surgery. Did I forget to mention that the yard stick should be metal? I'm sure they can remove that piece of wood without much scarring.

Last week Elrod had a tiny accident with the chipper/shredder. Poor old Rerun, his pet hog, will be sorely missed. But, on the bright side, we were able to provide the sausage for the men's breakfast at the church.

Well, I have to go retrieve the quilts from the clothes line, looks like a toad strangler coming in. Guess next week is out, you know, the creek and all.

Yours truly
Beatrice

Dear Janice,

Crop dusting is done now, so looks like I'll be in on Monday evening.

My telephone line is back up since that little tornado came through and took down our lines. Just give me a call if it is inconvenient.

Tell Bert I hope his cast on his leg doesn't get too itchy. A yard stick works wonders if it does.

No, I will not name the pups Gimp and Grace.

Your friend,
Beatrice

PS. How tall was that ladder that Bert fell off?

Dear Janice

I'm sorry to hear that your cat went through major surgery. Thank the Lord that they were able to save your mouse shaped diamond brooch in the process. How did he swallow such a large piece of jewelry?

At home our cats stay in the barn. Last count we had three. Coyotes came through last week, we did have fourteen.

Luck, our one-eyed, three legged, tailless dog had puppies. Who would have thought that her condition could be genetic? They look just like her. Trying to come up with names. Any suggestions?

Well, need to go tend to Elrod. He fell into an old well and caught a nasty cold. It took me two days to find him this time.

Sincerely
Beatrice