Dear Sister Bartholomew,

Sorry that I have to write instead of calling. The phone company did the one thing that I told them not to do, put the phone line through Old Mr. Johnson’s land. He has a new chain saw and can’t see two feet in front of his face. He thought those seedlings Elrod planted for him had grown overnight and cut every one of them. I hear his arraignment is on Monday next.

Please accept my condolences on the loss of your first husband, Henry Matthew. If there is anything you need done, I can send Elrod. Let me know when I will be allowed on your property. You really should label your equipment better. Please let your son, Jebediah, know that I did not mean to drown the chickens.

I will be sending over my famous chicken and rice casserole by way of the Right Reverend’s son when he stops by later today. I remembered you are allergic to chicken, so I’ve put pork in it. (Rerun, you remember that pig we took to auction six times, has finally been good for something after all these years)

Once again, my sincere hope is that your second husband, Luke Christian, will be able to take up the slack on your chicken farm. I didn’t realize you have so many chicken houses down in the hollow.

My heartfelt condolences,

Beatrice

PS, I guess Luke Christian is now your senior husband? Head husband? What does that make Mark Micah?

My Dear Henrietta,
     How is your leg mending? I never knew someone could break a leg by stomping off a stage. Maybe next year you can win the blue ribbon and trophy back for the County Baker of the Year. So how long have you had this trophy? Looking at the trophy, I lost count of your name after 26 times. I think next year they should get another trophy so that there is more room for more names. I promise not to make the same Rum Royal pound cake next year.
     When will Myra LouAnn get out of the hospital? I never knew someone to have a sinus infection for over a year. I know they can do wonders with IV antibiotics. And how are the judges doing after that nasty round of food poisoning from Myra LouAnn's fruit cake? Maybe if she had a sense of smell she wouldn't have used that rancid lard.
     Didn't the Most Right Holy Reverend Jimmy Bob do a good job stepping in for the judges? He seemed so professional doing that blind taste test. And where in the world did he get that funny blindfold?
    Also, Elrod offered to help your Henry with your rabbit breeding enterprise. It can get out of hand so fast. He was going by your farm yesterday and noticed a few loose rabbits in that pasture behind your house.
     I am signed up to bring you a casserole on Friday. I hope you like it. I got it from the church's cookbook. It was Aunt Anna Pearl's favorite Mac and Cheese and More. I don't think I will use opossum though, if that's okay with you.

Humbly yours,
Beatrice

PS, Do you know when the Most Right Holy Reverend Jimmy Bob will get back from his retreat? I heard it could be four to six weeks. He must be studying for a new certification.

Dear Janice
Congratulations! So now Nimrod is yours forever. Please don't break him. Your track record with men isn't very good.

I'm surprised that you chose to move to New England to open a Bed and Breakfast with that twist of letting the guests have an "innkeeper's experience". I'm not sure that I would pay to take care of you and Nimrod at an isolated location. But, you know the people better at that end of the country.

Elrod sends his love and wants me to thank you for the new equipment. He is building a new shed for the earth moving equipment. It should come in handy during the next snowstorm. It took our mail carrier three weeks to find our mailbox in the snowdrifts. Elrod should have that snow moved out in no time next winter. Also, thank you for the supply of mailboxes, We are still looking for the two he took out practicing last week.

Sending hugs,
Beatrice

Merry Christmas, Janice

Thank you for returning Nimrod. What did you do to him? Elrod is still having to take care of both places. Nimrod sits on the "throne" you bought him in Italy. He barks orders like we are his servants.
Elrod has even called the Most Right Reverend to conduct an exorcism. I just think you spoiled him rotten.

The llamas miss him terribly. Nimrod won't even go outside anymore. Please, come here and take care of this mess, please. I promise you won't have to stay with any farm animals. We do have running water and indoor bathrooms, now.

Your very tired friend,
Beatrice

Janice,

Please bring back Nimrod. Elrod and I are having trouble giving his llamas their daily medications.

Beatrice

Janice,

I am unable to ride to the airport with Nimrod, so I made the sign for him to hold up while he waits for you at the baggage claim. I hope you enjoyed it. I had to use the last of my lipstick.

I look forward to your visit. Elrod has made a new chicken coop, so we won't have any wondering chickens if the wind kicks up while you are here.

Excited to see you, again.
Beatrice

Janice,

I am so excited about your visit. Nimrod has practiced the drive to the Springdale airport twice now. The last time it only took ten hours. I plan on being with him when we pick you up next week so it should only take half that time to get back to the house.

I've got the guest bedroom ready for you. I'm not sure how much space you'll need for your luggage so I cleaned out half of the attic as well. That's the floored side.

Elrod wanted to come with us to the airport, but someone has to stay here with all our little critters. A few still have weather issues. A gust of wind and still some of the hens head for the house. You will have to remember to keep the front and back doors of the house closed at all times.

Well, I'll sign off now. It looks like a storm is blowing up. Can't wait to see you.

Hugs,
Beatrice